


All the hate, all the love, all for you

by arcaderabbit



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Female Mage Lavellan - Freeform, Formerly Tranquil Inquisitor (Dragon Age), PTSD, Panic Attacks, Protective Cullen, Slow Burn, emotional inquisitor, the inquisitor is Not Okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcaderabbit/pseuds/arcaderabbit
Summary: Ellana Lavellan, an ex-tranquil, finds herself falling in love with one of the very people who ruined her life and changed her forever.She has to sort through her past trauma and her feelings for Cullen, all while trying to save the world in a post-tranquil state.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> well ive always thought tranquility was interesting so i decided to write a fic about it. if i come up with a better summary ill change it  
> this is just a set up chapter

Ellana only knew the Circle. She couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t in the Circle. Couldn’t remember her parents, if she had siblings, anything. The Circle was all she knew.

One day, when she was 13, her and a few of the other kids planned to sneak out. It was something kids in books did all the time, it seemed so cool and if it worked they would all be able to see the outside world. They had all giggled as they planned it, a simple escape that would never work in reality. They didn’t take it seriously. It was like a game to them.

Of course, they all got caught almost immediately. Ellana was caught last, dragged kicking and screaming back to the tower.

“You all know you’ve broken a very big rule, right?” said one of the templars in front of them, large and intimidating. Ellana gulped and looked away, fear making her heart pound nearly out of her chest. She was hoping one of the other kids would be brave, talk back to them.

“Yes sir,” Erik, one of the other kids, gulped out. One of them, the girl next to her who Ellana didn’t know well, was crying. 

They were all sitting on their knees in a line, with five or so templars standing in front of them. Ellana didn’t know why. She wanted to go back to her room, close the door and never leave. She wanted to stay in bed forever. She wanted to go back in time.

“And you know we’ll have to punish you, right?” the templar cocked his head, his voice sounding cruel and cold. The girl next to Ellana started crying harder. Ellana wanted her to shut up. 

“Y-“ the word was cut off by a sob, “Yes, sir.”

The templars looked across the kids coolly, as though they weren’t all children who were doing something childish and rebellious, but prisoners on death row. Ellana gulped and kept her head down, refusing to look at the men. Her hands were shaking. 

“You,” Ellana felt a hand grab the back of her robes and pull her up, “Will be made an example of. Bad children who attempt to escape the Circle will eventually try to escape again.”

Ellana did start crying then. Tears were streaming down her face as she looked at the other children, whose eyes were wide with fear. 

“When naughty children act up, they are made tranquil,” the templar said cruelly, was he smiling? Ellana cried harder. The rest of the kids started crying, too. 

“Please, don’t make me tranquil,” Ellana begged, “Please, don’t, I’ll never try to sneak out again.”

“Oh?” the templar turned his attention to her, “And we should just let you go after you tried to sneak out? I don’t think so. Unless there’s someone else you think deserves to take the punishment?”

Ellana considered it. She considered picking someone she didn’t know to take the fall, to be made tranquil. Maybe someone older. But she couldn’t bring herself to do so, she couldn’t look them in the eyes and tell them they should be made tranquil.

The rite was preformed the next day. 

Ellana was tranquil for five long years, employed outside the Circle at a local bookstore.

Until, one day, _he_ came along.

He seemed like any other man. A Tevinter, browsing the rare books they had at the store. Except he kept looking at her. Even in her tranquil state she knew when people were being shifty. 

And she was right. As soon as the store closed and she was locking up, someone covered her mouth with a cloth that smelled so bad, like chemicals. She struggled, but eventually, she went under.

Ellana woke up in a small cell, by herself. She could see beyond the bars, and across from her was another small cell containing another tranquil. A girl, with dark brown hair not unlike Ellana’s and matching dark brown eyes. Of course, she also had the sunbrand tattoo marking her forehead. And beside that, another tranquil. Two rows of cells, most of them containing tranquil.

She sat there by herself for Maker knows how long. She could not feel bored. She could not feel anything. Except, she did feel cold. Shivers kept running through her body. She never had the thought to talk to the other tranquil.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” a voice suddenly rang out in the dreary prison, “Your savior is here. I will cure you all!”

Ellana turned toward the person speaking. As she suspected, it was the Tevinter who was browsing the bookstore. 

“You were made tranquil unjustly, but I have the solution,” the man said giddily, “I can cure you! I bribed the Seekers for the cure, and I will cure each and every one of you.”

Within the next few days, people were taken from their cells. When they returned, they were screaming and crying, thrashing around. They were in restraints, and when they were put back into their cells they were restrained in such a way that meant they couldn’t hurt themselves. Soon enough the entire prison was full of screams and cries of agony, pleas for someone to end their suffering. The sunburst brand remained on their foreheads even after the “cure”. It was bizarre to see the brand, but the person wearing it was so unhinged.

Eventually, Ellana’s turn came. And it was horrible.

All of her emotions flooded back to her at once. Suddenly she, too, was screaming, with tears leaking down her face. Happiness, sadness, anger, she felt them all at once. Her skin felt like it was both on fire and submerged in ice. It was agony. She would have preferred to stay tranquil.

It took months for her to calm down enough to form a rational thought, to be unchained without a risk of hurting herself. Some weren’t so lucky. More than a few went entirely insane, were taken out of their cells and never seen again. Those who showed signs of improvement, however, were gradually granted more freedom.

She felt her emotions much more strongly than she did before. What would have been a minor inconvenience before now made her begin to bawl. She became like a beacon to demons, still a mage despite it all. 

She, unlike most of them, was able to fight off the demons. Most of the others, however, in their emotional state fell prey to demons. The more of them that went insane or fell prey to demons, the angrier The Man got.

Until eventually, there were only a few of them left. The Man had gone out to get more tranquil, with the same results. Either insane or an abomination. 

Ellana was finally able to control her emotions, somewhat. She still felt them more than ever, but at least she could stop herself from crying, now. Enough to form rational thought, think for herself for the first time in years. Her skin still felt too much, becoming too hot or too cold with the slightest temperature change. Ellana suspected she would never truly return to how she was when she was thirteen, but at the same time she barely remembered it anyways. 

She had also gotten her magic back. It was more powerful than ever, but she couldn’t control it. She kept accidentally freezing the floor of her cell.

They were allowed to bathe once a week, a cloth and a bucket brought to their cells. Well, the sane ones. They were only fed soup, every day, two meals a day. As far as she could tell, The Man was working alone.

One day, The Man entered her cell.

“You,” he pointed a finger at her, “Have been my most successful subject yet. What makes you so special? How do you control it?”

Ellana was quivering in fear, wanting to squeeze her eyes shut and hide in the corner. Wait for him to leave. Instead, she forced herself to look him in the eye, speak to him through chattering teeth.

“There’s nothing special about me,” Ellana answered, balling her hands into fists.

“There must be something!” he began to pace the room, “So many mages lost, but you, on the other hand, have shown remarkable progress...”

The Man began rambling about Maker knows what, but Ellana’s mind was whirling. He was in her cell. Defenseless. She could kill him right now, use her magic and burn him to a crisp and escape this hellhole, finally see the light of the sun after more than a year. 

Raising a quivering hand, Ellana funneled all the magic she could muster into her hand and allowed it to form into a ginormous fireball, bigger than any she had ever made. The Man was panicking, turning around to escape, but she threw the fireball at him, closing her eyes on impact.

She didn’t open them for a while. She thought her heart may beat out of her chest. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted by a singed corpse. Backing away from it, she vomited onto the floor. Steeling herself, she got up and stepped around it. 

The prison hallway was a mess. The fireball had been much larger than she intended, destroying the area and killing everyone inside. Ellana had been the sole survivor. She didn’t try to stop the tears from streaming down her dirtied face.

The first thing she did was get the hell out of there. She walked for days, her feet blistering, the pain worse in her post-tranquil state. Just when she thought all hope was lost, she was going to die out here, she stumbled upon a Dalish clan. 

They welcomed her, feeding her and clothing her and even helping her style her hair to hide the sunburst brand after she told them her story. She quickly became part of the clan, getting her tattoos to incorporate the brand as though it were part of the tattoo itself, and not a tranquil brand. They taught her how to better control her stronger magic. They felt like home.

And then, she was sent to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana wakes up in prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeline: Ellana is made tranquil at 13, cured at 18, spends a year and a half recovering in a cell, then lived with the dalish for two and a half years

When she woke up chained to the floor, Ellana had horrible flashbacks.

Flashbacks to a small cell, of restraints that would be put on her to keep her from harming herself in her emotional state. Panic shot up from her stomach into her throat and tears pricked at her eyes. She struggled at the bindings holding her hands together in a panic. Her throat closed, memories of screams and fear coming back to her in a rush.

She barely heard what the two women said, being almost unable to hold back from lashing out at them with her intense magic. Ice was creeping out from her fingertips, making the room colder. She still hadn’t quite learned how to master it yet. Sure, she was on a fast track to learning how to master it, but she hadn’t been able to use her magic in a very long time. 

Belatedly, Ellana wondered if they had seen her brand. If she had been out cold, her hair may have come out of place and exposed her brand. If it had, it was all she could do to pray to the Creators that they didn’t recognize it for what it was, as it blended in with her tattoos.

“We’re not getting anywhere with this,” the woman with short dark hair complained. Ellana wished she knew what they were talking about.

“Do you remember what happened?” the red haired woman asked, her eyes narrowing. 

“Not at all,” Ellana answered, her voice shaking, “What happened?”

All of a sudden, Ellana felt a crackling energy on her hand followed by searing pain and heat. She cried out, gritting her teeth and biting the inside of her cheek for something else to focus on. A habit she developed as she tried to get used to feeling so much all the time.

“That,” the short haired woman said pointedly, “Is what happened.”

“What the fuck, what the fuck,” Ellana was panicking, attempting to claw at the mark. She only succeeded in making red marks on her hand. She felt like crying. It was quite possible she was crying already.

She actually listened when they explained the situation this time. She was shivering in fear and trying to hold in tears of upset and outrage when she found out they suspected her of doing all this. Why on earth would she? Her clan was all she had, why would she intentionally do anything to separate herself from them? It was all she could do to control herself. Jolts of pain shot through her hand, fingers spasming each time. She felt an urge to lift her hand to her mouth and bite at it. Only her restraints kept her from doing it.

Finally, they released her and allowed her to leave, albeit following the short haired woman. Had she told her what her name was? She couldn’t remember. They had wanted her to see what the mark on her hand could do.

Ellana was feeling an extremely strong urge to cut herown hand off. So strong, in fact, that she was glad she didn’t have a weapon on her. At least now she could actually try biting it. The short haired woman gave her a weird look as she raised her palm to her lips. It felt electric, crackling on her lips and tongue. It didn’t taste like anything, which was more disconcerting than anything else. The woman grabbed her hand and forced it away from her mouth. Ellana pouted as they exited the prison.

When she saw the bright green tear in the sky, her jaw dropped. She felt a strong jolt of fear through her stomach, almost making her sick. Her hands began to shake. She also felt her teeth clack together.

“That,” the woman said grimly, “Is the Breach.”

“What the fuck,” Ellana breathed. She bit the inside of her cheek as another wave of pain shot through her hand. A lot of bad things were happening to her at once, and she was hoping she was going to be able to handle it all.

Creators, she wanted to chop it off so bad. Chop off the hand, the pain is gone. Simple. She didn’t have a knife, though. 

Soon enough, she got her hands on a weapon, a simple staff that had been left behind. It would do. She didn’t think she’d be able to cut off her hand with it, though. The woman, however, threatened her to put it down.

“So you expect me to follow you around, defenseless, hoping I don’t die?” Ellana asked, clutching the staff and leaning a little bit away from the woman, such that she couldn’t reach over and grab it. Childish, sure, but effective, especially in making herself seem more vulnerable than she actually was. 

The staff would help her control her magic. She didn’t need it to cast spells, not at this point, but she could control the spells more easily with the staff. It was useful as a melee weapon as well.

“No,” the woman replied, but she looked displeased. Whatever. Ellana didn’t care. All she cared about was getting out of there as soon as possible.

“Can I ask your name?” Ellana asked, not wanting to refer to her as ‘the woman’ anymore.

“Cassandra,” the woman replied shortly. She looked like she would rather eat glass than speak with Ellana. Now, in her post-tranquil state, most people would, considering her personality was much stronger.

“Cassandra, is there any way I can get a winter coat anytime soon? Maybe some gloves?” Ellana asked, tilting her head slightly, “I’m cold.”

“Is what you’re wearing not warm enough?” Cassandra sounded exasperated.

“Obviously not, or I wouldn’t have asked,” Ellana said, not quite kindly. Cassandra gave her a look.

“Well, it’ll have to do for now. As far as I’m concerned, you’re still guilty.”

“Well if I die of frostbite it’s your fault,” Ellana grumbled. Cassandra rolled her eyes. Ellana shivered for effect, rubbing the tips of her pointed ears to get some heat back into them.

They had to fight through a few batches of baddies before they got where they were going. Ellana had gotten very good at dodging, because injuries _hurt_ , much more than they would a normal person. But she couldn’t dodge every attack, and so she had to grit her teeth against the pain and quickly wipe away any tears before Cassandra noticed. She decided the best course of action for now was to cast as few spells as possible. Her magic pulsed and thrummed underneath her skin, begging to be let out. She had to control it, though, or she would be way more suspicious than she already was.

And if Cassandra had noticed her sunburst, she must not have recognized it for what it was. Maybe she thought it was part of her tattoos, maybe she just hadn’t seen it. Either way, Ellana was planning on keeping it that way. They would have so many questions, otherwise, questions she didn’t have the answer to.

When she first met Solas, it felt like he was looking through her, for a second. Her throat tightened. Then, he grabbed her hand and thrust it towards the rift. Pain seared along her arm and she struggled to get out of his grip, clawing at his hand. Sounds of pain and struggle escaped her lips, and the dwarf that had been fighting alongside them tried to say something to the elf gripping her arm. She couldn’t hear him. As the rift closed, the pain also faded. Solas pulled back his hand, which now had red streaks from Ellana clawing at him. He looked at her expectantly.

“If you’re waiting for me to say sorry, I’m not going to,” Ellana said to him, frowning. 

Solas didn’t look surprised, “No, but it is fascinating that your mark was able to close the rift. Just like I suspected.” 

Ellana did feel a little embarrassed about her reaction to him grabbing her hand and helping her close the rift. But, on the other hand, her aversion to touch and the suddenness and pain it caused had been extremely upsetting to her. 

As they worked their way through more batches of enemies, Ellana began to feel wobbly, tired. She didn’t know why, maybe the pain, maybe the cold, or it could have been the stress.

“How are you holding up?” the dwarf, Varric, asked her. She glanced down at him. So far, she felt like he was one of the few people she could trust. Maybe not all the way, but he was much more trustworthy than the woman who put her in chains or the man who kept staring at her like she was a child. She was twenty-three, for goodness sake. 

“I’ll be much better once this is over,” Ellana said, clutching her staff close to her chest, “Do you think they’ll let me leave after this?”

“Somehow I doubt it,” Varric said truthfully, but at least he looked sympathetic. Ellana tightened her grip on her staff, feeling despair welling up inside her. She wanted to go _home_. She didn’t want to stay here where she was suspected and stared at and treated differently. She felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. If she wasn’t careful, she may throw a fit soon. They weren’t something she could control, once they started. Usually she could calm herself down before she got to that point, or a friend could. Here, though? She wasn’t sure.

“I miss my clan,” she confided, her voice breaking, and Varric started to look even more sympathetic, if that was possible. It did ease the whirling of emotions in her chest, to think that she might have an ally in the man.

“You know, I knew a Dalish once...” as Varric told her stories of Merril, Ellana began to calm down. She felt the whirlpool of emotions in her chest settling as Varric’s smooth voice washed over her. She felt even her shoulders relaxing.

Only to immediately tense up again when Cassandra began yelling at a man, one she didn’t know the name of and didn’t care to. And they were yelling about her. Ellana considered bolting right then and there, but one glance at the sky and pulse from her hand made her think otherwise.

Then, they asked her to make a huge decision. Spies or soldiers. Why her? Didn’t they think she killed a whole mess of people, she caused this whole disaster?

“I don’t want to,” Ellana said, frowning. She was quivering. Hopefully, she could pass it off as being cold, and she actually was pretty cold. Actually, she didn’t know how Varric wasn’t cold, since he had his whole chest out. 

“You have to,” Cassandra shot back at her, looking more and more upset with her as time passed. Good. Ellana wanted her to be upset.

“Why me, exactly? I’m nobody, I just have this glowy thing on my hand,” Ellana was still frowning, “Honestly, Cassandra, I assumed you were in charge around here? Why don’t you pick?”

Her line of reasoning didn’t end up working, it just made Cassandra more mad. Ellana supposed that was sort of a win. In the end, she made a choice at random. She told herself that whoever died, she wasn’t responsible for it. Cassandra was, for making her choose in the first place. They were soldiers, they signed up for this, if they died it wasn’t her fault. 

It didn’t make seeing the bodies any easier. Ellana just hoped she would be able to get through this mess without crying in front of these people.

Finally, they reached the Breach. As memories were restored to her and a long battle was fought, all Ellana could think about was how she could finally go home soon. She didn’t really care about what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, or the divine, or any of it. Not at this point. She just felt an overwhelming urge to go home, snuggle into her own blankets and forget all of this ever happened.

Even as her vision faded to black and she felt herself falling, she couldn’t help but hope they would let her leave as soon as she woke up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just trying to establish and elaborate on her character and her relationships with other characters before we meet cullen.
> 
> i feel like it was pretty obvious but im trying not to put any canon dialogue in here, personally i find reading something i already saw in the game boring 
> 
> also i know this is a long note i just wanted to say ellana can’t control her impulses and if she has the means to carry out an impulse she likely will


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana meets Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im replaying inquisition as i write this so its more accurate

Ellana woke up in a rush, adrenaline coursing through her veins. She was trembling all over. She scared the servant, who left the small cabin as quickly as she could. Guiltily, Ellana approached the clothes that had been placed on the floor for her.

To her surprise, there was a thick winter coat waiting for her, complete with matching gloves and a scarf. Ellana was surprised, to say the least. Last she knew, Cassandra hated her. 

The coat was nice and warm, and the fabric didn’t even bother her skin too much. Carefully, she pushed the door to the cabin open. The light from the sun was too bright, causing Ellana to squeeze her eyes shut for a second. A gust of cold wind blew past, causing Ellana to shiver even through her winter coat. Then, she heard several voices, all speaking at once.

When she opened her eyes, her cabin was surrounded by people. People she didn’t know, who looked at her with awe. She felt her legs begin to tremble as she quickly walked past them, her teeth chattering from both cold and anxiety. Why were they suddenly acting like that? It was strange, to be treated coldly as a criminal one moment and treated with awe and whispers the next. Ellana hated it.

She got to the Chantry as quickly as she could, shivering a little as she closed the door and reveled in the warmth of indoors. There were no people staring at her in here. 

Ellana could hear fighting from behind a door at the very end of the hall. Building up all of her courage, she pushed it open.

____

Meeting Cullen was an experience, to say the least.

At first she didn’t notice. Hadn’t been around a templar in ages, she didn’t realize what he was until he started talking about it.

Immediately she had flashbacks. Memories of a templar grabbing her by her shirt, taunting the rest of the kids, putting her in a cell alone to cry all night before being made tranquil the next morning. Her breathing quickened and she took a few steps back involuntarily. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and she didn’t think she’d have the willpower to stop them. Really, it was lucky she didn’t start screaming.

Even more memories came flooding back, memories she had locked away after being cured of tranquility. Memories she didn’t want. Templars sneering at her, pushing her, hitting her while she was tranquil. Talking about how much of a bad girl she must have been, to have been made tranquil at such a young age. Even as a tranquil she had known she needed to leave the Circle as soon as possible. She had never wanted to think about her life as a tranquil again, those years sealed away in a dark corner of her brain she never wanted to access.

Ellana was pretty sure she was on the floor now, Cassandra peering down at her worriedly, Josephine not too far away either. Josephine’s eyes were darting between Ellana and Cullen. Ellana wondered foggily if people would make the connection any time soon. If they weren’t correct, they would be close enough to the truth.

“Maker, Cullen, did you _do_ something to her?” Cassandra asked, a hand hovering over Ellana’s shoulder. She was clutching at her hair now, and Josephine was trying to keep her from pulling it out. 

“Not at all,” Cullen sounded bewildered and concerned, “I think I’d remember.”

“Well, she must have been triggered by _something_ ,” Leliana said, keeping a safe distance from the mage currently on the floor. Ice was slowly creeping out from under her, creating a layer of frost on the stone floors. Cullen put a hand on his sword, templar instincts kicking in, reacting to an unstable mage. Ellana didn’t react well.

She sent a flash of ice at him, which he couldn’t avoid in time. His gauntlet was frozen to the hilt of his sword. Cullen let out a noise if surprise and jumped a little, as if he didn’t expect her to actually attack him. 

“Cullen, you’re making it worse!” Josephine accused, clearly not knowing what to do in this situation. Ellana sent another shot of ice at him, which he narrowly ducked to avoid.

“Shit,” Cassandra cursed as Ellana’s magic was getting wilder by the second, “Go get Solas! Varric! Someone she’ll listen to!” 

The person who was able to show up quickly enough was Solas. Not someone Ellana seemed comfortable around, per se, but a fellow mage who could help her control her magic. 

Leliana had grabbed Cullen by the sleeve and shooed him out of the room, which calmed Ellana slightly. She was no longer attacking with her magic, but the chill was still leaking out of her. Having registered the threat as gone, she was able to relax slightly. This also solidified that it had, indeed, been Cullen who caused her meltdown. Ellana’s tears were frozen onto her face.

It took time, but Solas was able to soothe her with his magic and calm her down enough to put her to sleep. They decided it would be best that Cassandra carry her back to her cabin, someone she knew as opposed to a stranger.

Solas seemed contemplative when Cassandra got back. 

“I’ve seen mages succumb to demons under much less emotional stress,” he commented. Cassandra made a noise of agreement. “What was it that caused all of this, exactly?”

“I’m not really sure,” Cassandra pinched the bridge of her nose, a headache coming on, “Cullen was suggesting we use the templars to close the breach, and she freaked out.”

“Hmm,” Solas hummed, looking thoughtful, “Did he mention the fact that he was a templar?”

“I believe so.”

“Perhaps an aversion to templars, a bad memory or trauma of some sort,” Solas suggested. 

Which meant going to the templars for help was likely a no-go. Not Cassandra’s preference, nor Cullen’s. However, if templars affected the well-being of the Herald that much...

“Great,” Cassandra shook her head and let out a long sigh. Solas stared at her with a blank expression, before turning to leave.

“Let me know when she wakes up,” he said before leaving. Why he would want to know was beyond Cassandra. 

When she relayed what Solas told her to the others, they had varying reactions.

“Thought so,” Leliana said with a touch of satisfaction. 

“Oh, poor thing,” Josephine looked genuinely upset by this whole ordeal.

Cullen just looked shocked and uncomfortable. He didn’t say anything, just stood there with an indecipherable expression. His hands were fisted at his sides, his lips pressed together tightly. 

“So,” Leliana said conversationally, “I suppose this means we’re going to the mages for help?”

___

When Ellana woke up, she felt embarrassed. Not only had she had one of her episodes in front of people she barely knew, someone had carried her back to her cabin.

She knew there was no reason to feel embarrassed. Her friends back at the clan made sure she knew. Every time she had an episode, she would feel embarrassed and guilty, and they were quick to reassure her. But here, she didn’t really have any friends to reassure her.

This had been a bad one, too. She usually didn’t attack people. She groaned and shoved her face in her hands, thinking about how she was probably going to have to apologize to Cullen for that. The problem was, she didn’t want to talk to him. Or be near him, if possible. Or any templars at all. 

They had been talking about who to go to for help, to seal the Breach. The answer was obvious. Ellana was going to refuse to even meet the templars, let alone work with them. 

Actually, her meltdown may have worked in her favor. If they drew the conclusions she thought they were going to, they weren’t likely to force her to work with templars in order to avoid another episode like that. Hopefully, anyways. 

Idly, as she got up, she wondered if anyone would even consider the fact that she was a cured tranquil. Doubtful, but not impossible. It was likely she was the only cured tranquil in Thedas at the moment. They probably just thought she had a bad experience at the Circle, which was fine by her.

What she had forgotten to prepare for was how awkward Cassandra was going to be around her, or the pitying looks Josephine sometimes sent her. Somewhere inside she knew these things were going to happen, but she dared to dream that they wouldn’t. Luckily, though, she hadn’t had to see Cullen again. Ellana thought he was probably avoiding her. That was fine.

“I want to go to the mages,” Ellana said. Cassandra had asked her again which one she was going to choose. 

“I won’t try to force you, but I think the templars will be safer,” Cassandra said with narrowed eyes. 

“Templars are power-crazed,” Ellana said bitterly, “They only care about themselves.”

“And this is assuming mages care about anyone other than themselves.”

Ellana shrugged, “At least mages aren’t oppressors. I’d rather not be caught siding with the ones doing the oppressing. It’s a bad look.”

Cassandra was silent, but her disapproval was basically radiating from her. However, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to convince Ellana to work with the templars. 

With that, Ellana prepared to head out to Redcliffe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did get a job so updates wont be as frequent as i’d like. feedback is appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first chaptered fic in a while so bear with me. i’ll add tags as i go


End file.
